


dark in me

by 101places



Series: there is only you [12]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)
Genre: Force Bond (Star Wars), Korriban (Star Wars), Other, The Dark Side of the Force, The Light Side of the Force, Torture, honestly not very good times for just about everyone involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:56:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24670423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/101places/pseuds/101places
Summary: Ex-Dark Lord of the Sith Revan and Jedi Padawan Bastila Shan face their own trials and question their alignments in the Force.( AKA : korriban is not a fun place, 0 stars on tripadvisor )
Relationships: Nonbinary Revan/Bastila Shan, Revan/Bastila Shan
Series: there is only you [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1686904
Kudos: 19





	dark in me

**Author's Note:**

> i felt bad so i decided to take it out on revan & bastila. sorry
> 
> i wanted to try and write something more experimental in format about revan and bastila, considering their force bond opens up a lot of options with that kinda thing. though when i actually sat down to write, i found that coming up with new ways to describe electrocution was the most difficult thing about this concept
> 
> anyway, for a while i thought itd be neat if revan choosing the light (or, uh... as light as revan really gets, hashtag team grey revan) & bastila choosing the dark happened at the same time. So Here's This. honestly though writing this has given me a clearer idea of how i want to characterise my revan, so, yay?
> 
> the title comes from 'my eyes' from dr horrible's sing along blog fsghghfds it's actually a good song! not... really super keeping with this fic, but it was an inspiration so listen to it if you haven't already
> 
> CW: torture, electrocution, manipulation
> 
> as always, comments/kudos make me want to follow the light side

Fire burned through their veins.

Revan grit their teeth, biting down hard to keep their scream from leaving them. The current of electricity pouring through them hurt, it seared through every cell in their body, it left them wanting to writhe on the floor, but they refused to allow their pain to show. They would not give the Sith watching them gleefully the satisfaction.

The onslaught ended, and Revan took in a gasping breath. They shut their eyes, taking a moment to compose themselves, then fixed Jorak Uln with a fierce glare.

“And so we come to round two,” Uln continued, unconcerned about the silent promise of retribution behind Revan’s yellowed eyes. “You come across a group of humans who are threatened by dangerous animals. They plead for help, offering you a reward. What do you do?”

Revan could feel Mekel’s gaze on them, but they didn’t look away from Uln as they replied. “I… I refuse to answer.”

Uln sighed. “Well, now you’re just punishing yourself. Do you really not know the answers, here? A shame. At any rate... here’s your punishment.”

Electricity crackled through the air, and a new wave of pain slammed into its victim. Limbs spasmed against restraints, and a scream tore through a raw throat. The set was different. The actors playing their parts were different. But the scene, itself, was almost identical.

A Jedi, teetering on the edge of darkness, tried to remain strong in the face of seemingly endless torment.

The onslaught ended, and Bastila took in a gasping breath.

Her body was in pain, echoes of Malak’s lightning remaining even in this brief reprieve. She was starved and dehydrated, and she couldn’t recall when she had last been able to sleep - Malak had been careful not to allow her to slip into a blessed state of unconsciousness. 

She was too weak to control her body and, with the spasms having died down, she fell completely limp, her head lolling to one side as unfocussed eyes watched the wall blankly.

Malak moved, walking around the slab she was restrained to so he was within her field of vision. Blue eyes shut sluggishly, and white light danced before her vision. Bastila would not allow him the satisfaction of seeing the true extent of her pain. She was a Jedi. She was better than that.

“You are strong.” Malak said, “But you could be stronger. You have the power of a Sith inside you. Let it out, give into your darkness. It would be so easy.”

“I… will never betray the Jedi.” Bastila’s voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper, “You may as well kill me, Malak. I will not fall.”

“We shall see, Bastila.”

Lightning erupted from the Sith’s fingertips once again, engulfing the Jedi in a deluge. The second punishment was more intense than the first, Revan noted distantly, though there was no way of telling if Uln was throwing more energy behind his attack, or if it was simply a case of Revan’s body already being weakened - of injuries sustained in the first attack being made deeper.

Revan’s lips curled back into a snarl, a look of purely animalistic rage on their face. Blood pounded in their ears, and they strengthened themself with images of what, exactly, they would do to Uln when they were free.

Once again, the lightning stopped, and Revan took in a steadying breath. This time, there was no need to compose themself. Anger overwhelmed pain.

“Good to see you’re still alive.” Uln spoke cheerily, “Let’s see… ah, yes. You discover an aspect of the Force that gives you great power. Do you share it and strengthen the Sith as a whole, or keep it to yourself?”

Something burned at the back of Revan’s mind, a whisper of a secret they had discovered long ago, but the distant past was of no concern to them. What mattered was here and now. Revan levelled their gaze at Uln.

“I refuse to answer.”

Uln looked down at Revan, “And here I thought this question was an  _ easy _ one. Ah, well, suit yourself.”

Electricity burned at Bastila’s skin, searing her flesh and leaving scars, but Bastila was quickly losing the strength to fight back. She kept her eyes shut as tightly as she could manage, but made no attempt to keep her cries to herself. It was simply wasted strength and, at this point, she could not afford it.

As it always did, the fresh pain came to an end, but her body continued to ache, begging her to give up.

“Aren’t you tired, Bastila?” Malak’s voice broke into her thoughts. “You fight against your very nature to remain the perfect Jedi, for what? The praise of the Council? When have they ever acknowledged your sacrifices?”

“A… Jedi’s life… is sacrifice…”

“Perhaps. But is it a life that you chose? Do you even know what it would be like to make a decision for yourself - to take your destiny and rip it from the hands of the Council?” Bastila could feel Malak move closer, but she refused to open her eyes. “Why should they be given power over you? Why should they dictate your destiny?”

Bastila tried to fall back within her own mind. She tried to surround herself with thoughts of calm, with thoughts of the Code and of peace. She tried to find her inner Light, she tried to keep the Dark collecting at the edge of her consciousness at bay, but her own strength was not enough. On instinct more than anything, she found herself reaching to the shadowy, but warm, corner of her mind where her Bond lay, and-

“Just how much has the Jedi Order denied you?”

White hot pain lashed at Revan from all sides - all sides except one, at least. For respite, they retreated into their mind. The pain still came in waves, there was no escaping it, but they could take some shelter behind their mental defences. They could wait this punishment out, at least, and they could-

Wait.

They could feel something. At the edge of their consciousness, they could feel a presence that they had not felt since they had fled from the Leviathan with their mind in tatters. The implications of her presence raced through their mind, even in the face of torture at Uln’s hands, and in their mind they reached out, trying to offer what little support and comfort they could in their current predicament.

Before they could get a solid grasp of her, they were suddenly thrown back from the Bond. Locked out.

The emotional anguish of not knowing where she was or what state she was in rose, and then settled. They were locked out, perhaps, but the bond itself was still present. As long as they could feel that locked door, they knew that she was alive.

Uln’s lightning died down once more, and Revan felt a strange sense of calm wash over them. They locked eyes with Uln, feeling more clear-headed than they had since that fateful moment.

“Still going? Alright, then.” Uln spoke, easily keeping eye contact, “One of your underlings has made a major mistake which makes you look bad. He is normally very competent and skilled. Do you kill him, or give him another chance.”

“Forget it.” Revan spoke, voice carrying confidence. No matter what Uln did, they would survive this, and they would not sacrifice their ideals to do so. “I’m not playing your game.”

“You’re not trying to make me angry, are you?” Uln asked, not understanding the danger he had put himself in by choosing Revan as his prey, “That would be pointless posturing on your part. Is this so hard?”

Pain washed over her body, but the physical pain was nothing. Jedi were trained to accept any pain. Jedi were trained not to fear death. It hurt, but it was a Jedi’s duty to accept such pain - a Jedi’s duty to accept themself as a necessary sacrifice. What hurt more than the physical was the emotional, as Malak’s words from the past week echoed around Bastila’s mind.

How much had the Order denied her?

The Order had denied her a family. They had denied her a loving father, a home that she could call her own. Thanks to the Order, her father was long gone. She had never had the opportunity to see him again. She had never had the opportunity to say goodbye, or ‘I love you’ one last time. If the Order had their way, she would not even know of his passing.

The Order had denied her respect. Despite her dedication, despite the fact that she had given every part of herself to the Order, she was still simply a Padawan. She, who held the Republic together by her fingertips, who had empowered armies to defend the galaxy against the Sith, who had been the sole survivor of Darth Revan’s fury, was treated as nothing but a child by the Council.

The Order had denied her love. She knew, she had always known, deep down, that her feelings for Revan were more than simple infatuation, more than simply a construct from their bond, but the Order had taught her that attachment was wrong. That attachment would condemn her to the Dark Side. They taught her to love all, but at the same time, to love none.

And who was to say how much else the Order had denied her?

The light within her flickered as the darkness at the edges of her mind grew deeper and, for the first time in her life, Bastila felt no fear for the dark.

What was there to fear when her nightmares already took shape before her?

Something cold and powerful gathered in her chest, and as her yellowed eyes snapped open, she found that she had the strength to resist Malak’s lightning herself, shaking off the last sparks of electricity.

Malak looked down at her, a sickly satisfied expression in his eyes.

The electricity faded, but the Force was eager to jump to Revan’s defence, protecting them from the worst of the pain. They watched Uln throughout, a dispassionate expression on their face.

“Last question! You’re about to die. Do you pass on your knowledge to your apprentice to make him stronger… or do you use your last breath to strike at your enemies?”

Revan was silent for a long moment, collecting their thoughts and reaching into the Force swirling around them. They had waited long enough. It was time for Uln to pay.

“Neither.” Revan spoke, their voice void of emotion. “A true Sith never dies.”

“What!?” Uln exclaimed, as something shifted in his expression, as if he was just starting to consider that he may be facing something that he was not prepared to face. “How did you know that?”

“How, indeed?” The Force jumped in response to Revan’s command, and they freed themself from Uln’s stasis. With their mind already made up, they reached out, freeing Mekel.

“What is this!?” Uln cried out, his fists clenched, “Mutiny!”

“You didn’t think of this, did you, old man?” Mekel ground out. He swayed on his feet, but made no attempt to run, “Together, we’re more than enough to take you!”

As Revan fought against Uln, their movements were more based on muscle-memory than anything, as their mind still ruminated on Bastila. Their brief connection hadn’t been enough to glean anything, but… when this was all over, when they had found the final Star Map and destroyed the Star Forge, they would find her.

Uln’s corpse lay still on the ground, and Revan and Mekel looked down at it, sharing a moment to gather their strength.

“I guess he wasn’t a true Sith, after all.” Mekel quipped, before looking at Revan. “I’d be dead if you weren’t… I mean… if you were a proper Sith. But you’re not, are you?”

“No,” Revan said, looking at Mekel with eyes more green than they had been in years, “I’m not. And this could be your chance to change ways, Mekel.”

“You mean… the Light Side?” Mekel glanced away. “I’ve never… thought about that. Can you… can you even go back?”

“Of course. Everyone has the ability to choose again and change their mind. The Dark isn’t a death sentence.”

Mekel hesitated. “I… I don’t know. I don’t think the Light Side is for me, but… maybe neither are the Sith. Maybe it’s time for me to leave… but, thanks.”

As Revan watched Mekel leave, they thought once more of their brief connection to Bastila, and of the darkness they had felt from her. Standing in the Tomb of Tulak Hord, still aching from Jorak Uln’s torture, they vowed to themself that if Bastila had fallen, they would stop at nothing to save her from herself.


End file.
